Vote Count Binface

What is the best excuse you have heard lately?

Vote Count Binface.

Because if politics is going to be absurd, it should at least be honest about it.

Promises include:

affordable housing
cheaper croissants
cheaper kebabs
cheaper ice cream
Ceefax back where it belongs
stronger trains, better wifi, fewer excuses
no more bot nonsense
a Thames Water reality check
proper respect for Claudia Winkleman’s fringe
and a nation that finally takes speakerphone offenders seriously

Binface: the only candidate brave enough to nationalise Adele.

Here’s the gist of his manifesto: it’s a mix of joke promises and oddly practical ones, aimed at poking fun at mainstream politics while sounding just credible enough. The recurring themes are cheaper everyday treats, better transport and public services, a jab at bad corporate behavior, and a few absurd culture-war-style pledges like nationalising Adele or giving Claudia Winkleman’s fringe listed status.

The clearest “serious-ish” ideas are building at least one affordable house, improving NHS waiting times, scrapping voter ID, tying ministers’ pay to nurses’, and dealing with Thames Water. The more comic ones include capping croissants and ice cream, bringing back Ceefax, renaming London Bridge after Phoebe Waller-Bridge, and banning loud snacks in theatres.

Count Binface’s manifesto is what happens when satire meets actual policy ideas. It promises cheaper treats, better trains, fairer pay, a bit of revenge on Thames Water, and a crackdown on everyday chaos — from bots to loud snackers. Then it leans fully into the surreal with pledges like nationalising Adele, bringing back Ceefax, and protecting Claudia Winkleman’s fringe. Funny, pointed, and weirdly more memorable than most real manifestos.